Well I have read post after post on Twitter and FB
about how everyone is so excited and preparing for the Thanksgiving. Well I’m
not. I am so grateful for the many blessings of this year. I have had so many.
[Will have article about that tomorrow] You see I like holidays through the
year. I hate the socializing that goes with them. I am already dreading
tomorrow so much so I am sick to my stomach. This happens every time I have to
go to these kinds of things. I head starts spinning with all the thoughts that
go through my head. The worry and fear. Yes it is a fear for me. I hate it but
it is there and a part of me.
Tomorrow I have a day where I get to see my entire
family. All my siblings and their children will be there. I love my nieces and
nephews. I miss getting to see them. Yet the thought of going there with
everyone fills me with fear and dread. I always seem to be so nervous and so
afraid that they will know I am scared or see that I am shaking a bit that I
sit and just don’t say much or nothing at all. I always end up coming home with
so upset at myself because I wasn’t very social with everyone. This doesn’t just
happen with family either it happens when I’m at friends’ houses as well. I
always feel like I don’t belong. I feel like I am the one who doesn’t fit into
the group.
This is the one factor about myself that I hate. I
hate that this happens to me. I am on a journey of change and have made great
progress but this evening I am just trying to stop and breathe. I trying to
remember that it will be alright and tomorrow will be wonderful. My nerves have
made their presence known and I am trying to ruin them in.
I hope everyone has a blessed Thanksgiving.
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