April 26, 2016

April 26, 2016,

Hi! I’m sitting here writing this blog as I listen to Disney music. If you know me, you know this is one of my favorite kinds of music. (I have a wide variety of music I enjoy.) I’m sitting here thinking of all the many different goals I have & I am trying to achieve. Let’s face it we all have so many goals. In recent years, I have been actively working towards achieving these goals. I have discovered the more I work towards achieving goals the bigger my goals become. This is a great fact. However, it also has to be a goal you can achieve. I can picture some of you thinking “Isn’t that the point of goals?” You would be correct. Let me explain. The one goal that hasn’t changed for me since 2014 is, to become a healthier person. For me, this means mind, body and soul. I even named it the- Journey of Change-Breaking Free from the Chains of Panic Attacks & Weight. I’ve written about the journey in this Blog. If you have been with me on this journey you know it has taken many different turns. Some of these turns have been wonderful and some have not been so great. However, they’ve all been a learning experience that has helped me grow. Today, I’m sharing things that have been on my mind. I’ve had a lot on my mind.

CHANGES!
If you have read any of my blogs since November 2015, you know I have had a goal of reaching the weight of 350lbs & a size 4X in pants by my 40^th birthday on June 25^th. I’ve been working hard for this goal. The reward for achieving this goal was going to be a huge 80’s/90’s Block Party. (Basically a NKOTB 40^th birthday bash.) I was going to throw this myself. However, things have changed. Why? Lack of funds & none of my family or friends in this state like NKOTB. I’m not sure anyone would show up. Plus, I really don’t have the money. I’m not quitting on the goal. I’m still working towards it daily. I’m going to have an online Block party with several of the Block Heads I’ve become friends with. I have friends internationally so it really will be a Block Party. I’m hoping to come up with enough to buy me a new outfit. I’d like to get my nieces together and let them give me a makeover. I’d like to take lots of pictures to share with everyone. Of course this new outfit will have red in it. That’s my favorite color. I’m going to bring a small cake to the class I teach on Wednesday nights. I have fallen in love these kids. I may not have any of my own but I’m honored that their parents let me call them “My Kids”. We will do something fun on that night. (Well a night close to June 25^th.) Maybe even a bit Disney themed too. (I do love Disney!)

If you’ve read this blog you also know that another goal of mine has to been to take a NKOTB cruise since 2013. Yes, I still want to take this cruise but it is no longer on the horizon for me and that is alright. I’m serious, it is alright. (All of my BH friends mouths just hit the floor.) Here’s why it is alright:

You all know how much I love Disney. You all also know how much I love my nieces. I’m a cool aunt. (Ask my nieces and they’ll tell you.) One of the reasons I started to lose weight and become healthier is, I wanted to become more active in their lives. I wanted to live to see them grow up and have lives of their own. Well I have a niece who is graduating in 2017. Her sister will graduate in 2018. This is just from my sister’s family. I have an adopted niece graduating in 2017. (Friends daughter) I have a little brother graduating this year. I have kids that I teach graduating in 2017. (2017 will be a very busy year!) My oldest niece told me two years ago how she wanted to go to Walt Disney World for her graduation gift in 2017. Her sister, said me too in 2018. (Girls after my own heart.) Well I can’t afford to help with two trips in a row.

Also my dear friend’s daughter graduates in 2017. Several years ago, I agreed to go with them in 2017. I would be their driver. (It is cheaper to drive. My friend is legally blind and can’t drive.) A few months ago it dawned on me, this was the same time my niece was graduating. (Aunt problems.) Then there is another niece graduating right behind her. I love these girls! I love being with them. I love that all three of these girls have never been embarrassed to be around me due to my huge size. For me being with them celebrating their graduations is more important than a NKOTB Cruise. So I am happily letting the cruise goal be replaced with helping my nieces get to experience Walt Disney World with me as their graduation gift.

I have been planning on how to do this graduation gift for several weeks. I have been pricing & exploring every option out there. I will figure out a way to make this happen for them. I have faith that this will happen. I’m going in 2017 with my friend as promised. In 2018, I’m going to celebrate two nieces college graduations.

Changing to this goal will also be rewarding for me in another way. Yes, I have been to WDW many times. I haven’t been able to do everything. Why? My size! There are many experiences that I have never been able to do because I haven’t been able to fit on the rides. (Shameful but true.) I have never been on Rockin’ Roller Coaster due to my size. I haven’t ridden Space Mountain since I was 15 due to my size. I can’t ride Kali River Rapids due to my size either. I can keep going but I won’t. I think you get the picture. When I take these trips in 2017 it will be like going to WDW for the first time because I can do it all. I will achieve this goal. I want to go to WDW without renting a scooter either. (That is expensive and shameful that I had to do it.)

Making it more NKOTB of a Goal!

There is also a Wahlburgers in Orlando. My friend’s daughter is a Block Head! (Yes I made her a BH) My best friend, Sandra lives near Orlando and is a BH. In 2017 the three of us can enjoy Wahlburgers together. Plus, my sister oldest loves Blue Bloods! In 2018 Sandra, my niece and I will enjoy Wahlburgers together! It will add a bit of NKOTB to the reward.

For me, this goal is about experiencing firsts! When you put it with people I love it is PERFECT!!!!!!!

Now the same rules apply- If I don’t reach the target goals- I Don’t Go! I’ll send everyone else.

I have decided to make a group page on Facebook for this new goal. It will be connected with my Facebook change2healthy account. It will also go with my blog. I’m going to talk about working towards this goal. I’ll talk about all aspects involved in achieving this goal. I’ll talk about the weight loss, the exercise, the planning and everything it takes to achieve this goal. The name of this group page is Breaking Free to Enjoy ALL of WDW in 2017. I’d love for you to come along with me on this journey. Check out the group page here:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1602542820066378/
I wish you all A Blessed & Magical Day!

If you’d like to see where I began my Journey
http://mmbreakingfree.blogspot.com/2013/09/my-story-so-far.html
You can also follow my other accounts that go with this blog.
Facebook account that goes with this blog:
https://www.facebook.com/Change2Healthy
To follow me on Twitter
Account for Blog-https://twitter.com/Change2Healthy

 

 

 

 

It's Me Again.

Hi!
Well I wish I had a great reason to explain why I haven't been on here for a while but I don't. I literally have gotten so busy with all the different irons I have in the fire that I haven't posted in a while. My blog isn't the only thing that has suffered. My story has too. I haven't written in it since just after Christmas. I think I need to learn how to say no. Due to not having steady work I tend to get very much involved in many things. I also quickly agree to help out others with their projects. I feel terrible without a steady paycheck so I help others to keep myself busy. The one problem with that is that I get focused on way too many things and lose focus on the projects I'm working on.
I told you it wasn't a good reason.

I am still doing the Journey of Change-Breaking free from the chains of panic attacks & weight. I'm still getting healthier & I am still loosing weight and inches. This is always worth celebrating.

I do have a question for all of you.
Do you ever feel self conscious about how you look when you are walking or working out? I do.
The reason I am bringing this up is because it is on my mind a lot. Why I don't like my body. I hate it. I'm changing it. I also know what people think of my body because I get told it a lot.  I have gained a new hobby. I love taking walks. It is peaceful and energizing at the same time. It is perfect for clearing my head & allowing me time to just focus on me. I like walking & thinking because it trains my brain to keep in the positive. I usually have my MP3 player on & going with a sound track that keeps me positive & moving. So I don't even hear what people say to me as they drive by.
Well last week I was walking & my MP3player battery died. I was in the middle of my walk and kept going. Then this truck passed me. A few minutes later it cam passed me again. Then on the third time it passed, stopped & rolled down his window. The guy yelled at me "Hey are you aware how you look like a whale walking on land and flapping around all over your body because you can't breath on land?" He speed off and squealed his tires as he drove off. I just stood there. I instantly felt horrible. It was like being in school again and being made fun of. I instantly remembered the time I was at Allan D Neese 7th grade in St. Augustine Florida. I was wearing a pair of black shorts with my white Jon Knight white t-shirt. I was walking to my next class when Jimmy & his friends Esp., Ran began their daily round of making fun of me. "Oh my God look at the Beach whale walking." "Marie the killer whale. Don't let her hit you when she walks because she'll kill you." other students moved out of the way as I walked past them. Of course I was now red faced and almost crying. They added "The killer whale can't breath." Remembering this only made me feel worse. Jimmy and Ran had made fun of since my days at Mill Creek elementary. They were terrible.

I just walked home. Went into the house. I didn't walk for a few days. It was rough. I felt like that defeated 7th grader again. I thought about that for several days. I went back and walked again but I just walked around the outside of my house over and over. I used weights and even did my stairs a lot. I just couldn't leave my house.

I now realize that was just stupid to give them that kind of control over me. They probably will never remember me why am I remembering them? It is crazy to be like that. I know. I've gone back to my regular walking.

Do any of you ever feel self conscious about how you look when you walk or work out?

http://mmbreakingfree.blogspot.com/2013/09/my-story-so-far.html
You can also follow my other accounts that go with this blog.

Facebook account that goes with this blog:
https://www.facebook.com/Change2Healthy

To follow me on Twitter
Account for Blog-https://twitter.com/Change2Healthy