Well I Did It....

Well I Did It…………………………………

Today I finally brought a gym membership. It is a small community center gym but a gym. I bought my first month membership today. I then went about my day. I had lunch with my mom. Came home did some things around the house. Then I got ready for the gym. I broke down.
The gym I joined has a heated pool. I’m adding water aerobics to the routine I do already. The water is heated plus is low impact on my body. I knew that it would be good on my body. I got a swim suit on line several years ago but never used it due to not feeling comfortable. I put it on today. I looked in the mirror and lost it. I looked worse than I thought I did. I felt very much like a fish out of water. I swear I wasn’t going to go. I felt like I was horrid.
I haven’t worn anything but knit pants and oversized blousy knit tops for almost 15 years now. So now I was wearing a swimsuit with a low cut back. I felt naked and exposed. You could see all of my fat on fat. I hated seeing myself in the rolls of fat. I said “I am not going!” I was crying and began shaking. My mind flashed back to Jr. High and all the times I was made fun of in gym classes. I was beginning to get all shook up. I was starting to shake. I was determined not to go. My roommate reminded me of my goals. She reminded me of how I could do this. She said if the top is bugging you then wear one of your baggy shirts to swim in. She even went and found me one. She made me remember my goals.
I took several deep breaths and packed my duffel bag for the gym. I put on my ear phones and walked to the community center. I went in and signed in. Then I went to the locker room to change. [Locker rooms and I have bad memories for me.] I started to get upset again. I went in and just didn’t think. I changed clothes and went to the pool. I went in and got in the pool. The first five minutes I stood off to the size just moved my legs around. Then I felt fine. I went to deep end and just swam and also worked out my legs and arms. I loved it. I was able to move and do far more than I ever did. I loved it. I stayed in the water from 3 to 4:20. I got out showered and walked home.  I did it.
Now I have a way to walk in a safer neighborhood, do Richard Simmons DVD’s and swimming and water aerobics. I’m excited about how this new venture will add to my change to healthy.
I have a huge goal coming up on May 14^th. Adding to my workouts will only make achieving this goal and enjoying this goal more enjoyable.
To see where my journey began:
http://mmbreakingfree.blogspot.com/2013/09/my-story-so-far.html
To follow me on Twitter:
https://twitter.com/Change2Healthy

It's Been a While....................

It’s Been a While…………………….

First of all I somehow got locked out of my account but thankfully that is not an issue anymore.  A lot has happened and yet not much has changed at the same time.
In September and all through October I was sick. It became pneumonia. I was giving antibiotics and steroids to take. It was a ten day dose. They didn’t do anything to kick it. [It did make me gain weight back.] The doctor said I needed another round. I explained concern of gaining weight so he tried a different steroid. It was another 10 day dose. It didn’t help a lot. [I did manage to gain weight again.] I was still extremely sick. By this time I was also weak and very dizzy. I went back to the doctor again. He put me on another round of meds. I explained that it was only making me gain weight. I gained twenty two pounds back. It was really making me worry and depressed that I lost this weight and had so much come back so easily. He said get well then you’ll go back to losing weight. Your weight will come off quickly after you’re well again. I finally agreed to take another 10 day dose. It did nothing. [Again I gained weight back.] Doctor’s answer was well let’s try another round. [I’m extremely mad by this point.] I told him no. I’ve taken three ten day’s dose and in 30 days it did nothing but make me gain 35 pounds back. NO! I was prescribed nothing. I was still sick.
I got a job finally. That did a lot to boost my confidence. I started to feel like I might get back on my feet again. [What people don’t know is I hadn’t a job in a long time. People dismissed me a lot due to my size.] I finally had someone who saw past my size and saw my skills. It was a part time job. I was so excited to have this job. I felt my days of standing in food banks lines or having to ask family were over. [Yes times were that tough. I have a place to live because a friend can’t live alone. Otherwise I’d be without a place.] The job was going great. I’d go to work and then crash when I got home due to still being sick. I’m ashamed to say exercising went by the waste side. I worked hard on helping my new boss merge with a new company. At least the job market was picking up.
By end of November I finally was well again. I also had a plan on how to make it with money. Well then we found out our landlord was losing the house to the bank. We had to move. This was not something we could do easily. I went looking for a place. Took me about two weeks but I had us a place. A week before Christmas I lost my job. The merge was in place and the new company couldn’t use me. The wind was knocked from my sails. I hung up the phone and cried. We couldn’t afford the new place any more. The search for a new place to move in January was on. Finally found something. It was a God send.
Also during this time I was so depressed due to gaining some of the weight back. I was also worried about finding a place to live. I’m ashamed to admit this but I fall back into my old ways. I let the depression take control instead of me taking control.
We did get moved in. However the next Tuesday I was standing in a food bank line. This was a huge blow to me. I felt like I had made no progress. I was grateful that I got the food. [Even though it was mostly cookies, cakes, and other snack food.] I still felt like I was on the downhill slide again.
I got access to my blog again but didn’t want to write because I had failed again. I kept pushing it off but then I remembered when I started this blog I promised I’d be honest. So here I am writing an update that isn’t good but it is honest.
Good things about where I live now. I’m on the bus line. I can catch it at two places near my house. I can also walk three blocks to the bus station and catch any of the bus lines there. This is a wonderful thing for job searching. It is also in an area that has sidewalks everywhere. This is good for my walking. I’m looking forward to starting that again. It is also a block and ½ from the community center that has a heated pool where I can start water aerobics. I’m looking forward to doing this.
Well this is where I am at right now. The important thing is I am still here and still going. I’m getting back up.

To see where I began my journey:

http://mmbreakingfree.blogspot.com/2013/09/my-story-so-far.html

To follow me on Twitter:
https://twitter.com/Change2Healthy