It Amazes Me

It is Amazing J

What amazes me the most about this journey I am on is how much my body and life is changing in small ways that add up. Let me explain:

1-As you all I know I am extremely over weight and moving around was something that took a lot of effort on my part. The pain from my hips down would be so bad sometimes I could barely move around my room let alone go for a walk. I am now able to walk around my neighborhood. Yes I still have pain in my legs but each day it is easier to do. I am walking better as well. I miss not walking when I don’t do it. I have never been like that before. This carries over into everyday activities of my life as well.

2- My overall health is slowly improving as well. I mean this in the physical, mental and emotional sense. The physical is more obvious. I am breathing better. I can move better. I am no longer this ugly shade of gray. [I am not kidding at times I looked gray] Amazing what having blood going through your body can do for a person.

The mental is not as easy to see but I notice. For example I haven’t quit and started something else. I am focused on making this work. I also have some confidence now. Each day it builds more and more. I am learning to be honest with myself and also how to forgive myself. As you all know I am struggling with panic attacks and I had a big one recently and was so mad at myself for letting it happen. But instead of shutting back into my world of safety I am still out here and I keep going. This is a huge change for me.

Emotionally I am able to say I don’t hate me anymore. There are aspects I don’t like and I am changing but I don’t hate me. In fact I am learning to like me. I might even say love me. [I have never said love me before.] I see this woman looking back at me in the mirror now I must say every day I like what I see more and more. I am allowing myself to be more open with people. I am not talking about strangers I am talking about family and friends. I am allowing myself to be love and I hope start to show more love to others. I have a huge hole in the brick wall I have had around my heart and life. I hope this whole keeps spreading and soon the wall is gone.

This is just a few of the things that amaze me on this journey.