Good News & Temptation

Good News & Temptation

GOOD NEWS!  Day 9 and I have lost another 3 pounds! I love FirstFitness Nutrition Body Renewal 10-Day Cleanse! Yes! I’m excited to lose the weight!

TEMPTATION

Today I am doing a Children’s Event and a Youth Event at my church. The children’s has cookies and cupcakes. [I love cupcakes!] Then the Youth Event tonight is a Pizza Party. I LOVE PIZZA! This will be a hard day for me. A very hard day! Then I woke up late. Rushing stresses me out. I didn’t have time to make my snacks for today. My friend made them. She chopped tomatoes, cucumbers, celery, mushrooms with Romaine lettuce and spinach for me to have a salad while I am there from 11 to 10 tonight. [She hates Tuna fish and opened and drained the can so I can have it for my salad.] Then she put two yogurts in the bag for me. This will help me for sure stay on my plan. I made a Body FX shake and put in an insulated mug to take with me to have to drink while I set up things. I was even good this morning and made a healthy breakfast this morning. I’m on track with my plan.

Now to stay on it today.

To see where I began this journey:

http://mmbreakingfree.blogspot.com/2013/09/my-story-so-far.html

Facebook account that goes with this blog:

https://www.facebook.com/Change2Healthy

To follow me on Twitter

Account for Blog-https://twitter.com/Change2Healthy

 

Day Four- I Have Good News!

Day 4- I Have Good News!

I have been on this 10 day cleanse & restarting. I did water aerobics and Richard Simmons DVD and some walking. I’ve added a lot of water. Plus I’ve done the FirstFitness Nutrition Body Renewal 10-Day Cleanse! I’m glad I have done this program. I have been sick and just not getting well since April. I have had no energy. I have felt weak. Well this is the start of day four and I do not feel stronger. I have energy. I just physically feel better. I’m grateful to start feeling better. Plus I weighed this morning! I have lost 11 pounds. I now weigh 456 pounds. I’m glad to see it go down.

I’m going to be doing my water aerobics class again today. I like that I walk there. My house is at the bottom of the hill. I walk the two blocks there, all the way up hill, then do the water aerobics, stay after class and walk the pool and work with weights in pool and then walk home. I’m grateful it is downhill home.

I hope you all have a great day with lots of activity.

To see where I began this journey:

http://mmbreakingfree.blogspot.com/2013/09/my-story-so-far.html

Facebook account that goes with this blog:

https://www.facebook.com/Change2Healthy

To follow me on Twitter

Account for Blog-https://twitter.com/Change2Healthy

 

Day 1-[Again YAY!]

Day 1-[Again YAY!]

Today I’m starting again. I’m extremely grateful that I have been blessed with the ability to start again.

For the past week I have already been working out again. I have been doing some water aerobics. Today I started off again on my strict eating program. This means I am watching what I eat and making sure it is healthier choices. [I refuse to call it a diet. The first three letters is die.] I am doing the FirstFitness Nutrition. I am starting off with the BODY RENEWAL 10-Day Cleanse. I’m looking forward to getting all the toxins out of my body. I have hope that this will finally help me get well. I keep getting sick with the same stuff.  I know this will help improve my health. YAY! As you all now from my last blog posting that I have gained the weight back. I’m starting back at 467.

For Breakfast this morning I woke and made me a vanilla flavored Body FX shake from FirstFitness Nutrition with a serving of cantaloupe I have already drank 20oz of water. I took my RENEU and LIPOMAX.   

Now I am writing this blog and then getting all my errands done. I am also looking forward to taking a new water aerobics. It is one for arthritis. I’m looking forward to this one helping me out. I’m also looking forward to it because I can walk in the water 30 minutes before and then 30 minutes after. I’m hoping this class will be a good fit for me.

I hope that all of you have a blessed day filled with lots of activity.

To see where I began this journey:
http://mmbreakingfree.blogspot.com/2013/09/my-story-so-far.html
Facebook account that goes with this blog:
https://www.facebook.com/Change2Healthy
To follow me on Twitter
Account for Blog-https://twitter.com/Change2Healthy

   

Being Honest and Learning to Love Yourself

Being Honest and Learning to Love Yourself.

It is really hard to write a blog that is brutally honest. It is especially hard to be brutally honest when it is about myself. I have written this blog five different times and then deleted it. It is really hard to be honest with yourself. No matter how hard it is important to be honest with yourself. Now the first part of this blog might be hard to read because it dark. I do promise it does get better.

As you all know, I have been on this journey since September of 2013. I have made a lot of mistakes on this journey. I mean a lot. I also have had success on this journey. Since October of 2014 I keep getting pneumonia. It seems like I can’t get over it. This was the case in March of this year. I got pneumonia again. The doctor again put me on antibiotics and steroids. It didn’t work so I was prescribed another round. I still was sick. I ended up doing several rounds. Last week of May I still was sick. Doctor wanted me to take another round but I refused. The reason I refused was because I wasn’t getting well but I was gaining the weight back. I didn’t take the next round of antibiotics and steroids again. I tripled up the vitamin C and started to feel like I had more energy. I keep taking the triple dose of vitamin C and had energy but was still sick. I also wasn’t able to lose the weight I gained back from the steroids. This was really depressing. I added to my workout but nothing. This really began to get to me. I felt very defeated. I kept gaining and not losing the weight. Let’s just say I got caught up in a very depressed cycle. I regrettably went back to my old ways. I stopped micromanaging what I ate. I slowly began to exercise less and less until it was none. To say I was even more depressed is an understatement. I began to put myself down again. I became my own self hater. I began to pull away from friends and family again. I pulled away from my blog and online friends. I was getting more anxious about going out and being around people again. I knew I failed. I had gained all the weight back. I felt like people would know this and say something about it. [Many have] I didn’t go out anywhere any more. I let my depression and anxiety make me a prisoner again.

I was working still caring for a wonderful lady named Ms. Peggy. I’ve been working with her for about a year and half now. One of things I do with Ms. Peggy is read. She loves to have Bible stories, Bible inspirational stories and poems read to her. Several weeks ago I was reading to her out of book titled “My Forever Friend”. It is a Precious Moments book. I read “Through love serve one another. For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Galatians 5:13-14. I shook my head and said well I don’t like myself let alone love myself. I went on and read more of the book for Ms. Peggy. I thought nothing more of it until I got home. I kept thinking of that. I wasn’t loving myself. I went online to try and stop thinking about it. But that didn’t help. I was playing around on Twitter and found a post by Donnie Wahlberg that read “If you want to spread #Love today. Start by loving yourself. Then watch it spread like peanut butter on a giant slice of bread!” Ok I was getting the point. I didn’t want to admit it or deal with it. I was up most of the night thinking about these things.

I began to think about it seriously. It made sense. In order to love your neighbor, [anyone you meet] you must love yourself. You treat others how you treat yourself. Well I was not loving myself. I was very negative about myself. I realized if I wasn’t loving me I wasn’t loving anyone. I realized if I was negative about myself I was being negative to others. This meant I was negative and hateful to myself thus making me that way to others. That wasn’t love your neighbor at all. That wasn’t setting the example with the youth I work with. That meant I was giving a bad example. I wasn’t even trying for the goals I had set for myself. Now I’d love to say I snapped right back to it and got right back on the path I wanted to be on.  Nope I just let it go. Except I kept thinking about it. I sat down here and started to write this blog posting but deleted it 5 times. It is hard to admit that you went off course to yourself. It is even harder to admit it to others. But that is what I did I went off course.

So here I am writing this being honest with myself. I’d love to lay all the blame on the several rounds of antibiotics and steroids I was prescribed.  Yes it was part of the problem but how I chose to deal with the effects the medicine had on me was my chose. I made the wrong chose. I didn’t handle it right. But here I am writing this being honest and saying “Yes I gained it all back. Yes I have taken several steps backwards. No this isn’t the end of my journey. No it won’t be easy but I’m starting again. Yes I can do this. Yes I can lose the weight again. Yes I can exercise and gain energy and strength again. Yes I can exercise and walk and gain confidence again. Yes I have support of my family and friends. Yes I have support of people who read this blog. Yes I have support but the ultimate decision and follow through is on me. I am going to do this. I might have a huge crash again but I’ll just get up again. This is me saying Yes I forgive myself. Yes I like myself. Yes I love myself. This is me asking God to help me forgive others. Help me like others. Help me show Love for others. This is me saying Yes I am going to Love my neighbor as I Love myself.”

Now I know some will ask why write this blog? Why write the truth about how you failed? Why write the truth about how you struggle when it might make you look a bit crazy. My answer- I know I am not the only who struggles. I know I am not the only one who battles with learning to love myself. I know I am not the only one who struggles with forgiving myself. I want anyone who is in this struggle that they are not alone and they are loved. They can do this. That’s why I’m writing this honesty instead of sugar coating my journey. I want people to know it will be a hard journey with lots of falls but also a lot of successes. Learn to love them all. Yes love the falls because you can get up and try again.

To see where I began this journey read my first post:
http://mmbreakingfree.blogspot.com/2013/09/my-story-so-far.html

Facebook account that goes with this blog:https://www.facebook.com/Change2Healthy

To follow me on Twitter Account for Blog-https://twitter.com/Change2Healthy

 

Daily Victories

Daily Victories
Please bear with this blog it starts out negative but gets better.

I have had tunnel vision for two things lately. I haven’t written on here in a while. I’ve been inspired on how to write things for my story. So I’ll start working on it and then look up and it is several hours later. If it isn’t the story then I’ve been making lesson plans for the youth group I work with. Again I’ll start and hours go by without me noticing it. I also think working on these things helps me not think about what is going on in my life. If you’ve read my blog before you know I don’t handle stress or change very well. There’s a lot of it lately!!!!!!!!!

My dad has become disabled. He is now unable to work at all. Now I’m watching him and my mom struggle emotionally and financially. Due to dad not working they’re down to one person income. Plus my dad’s medicine isn’t covered by insurance. They are fighting to get it covered but it isn’t so instead of paying bills they buy his $1,400 a month medicine. As their daughter it breaks my heart that I can’t just fix this for them. I don’t have it to give to them. It also breaks my heart to see my dad’s health decline.

I’m also watching my roommate’s health decline more lately. She recently had to fill out paperwork with the hospital about how she wanted things to go for her medically. This was hard for me to witness. It has caused me a lot of concern. My roommate’s daughter is battling the same thing and isn’t getting better. My roommate just found out that her mother has cancer. My heart breaks for this family.

I work one day a week caring for an 85 year old lady whose health is also declining daily. I love this lady too.

Lately all I see is people dealing with people who realize how close death is for them. It does make you think. It also can make your heart really sad. Thoughts about not having them with me. Then I go into over drive and try to find a way to improve all of their lives. This can cause a lot more stress to the situation. I’ve done a lot of WHY???? I’ve realized this is a waste of time.

I really have gotten very depressed lately. I had to fake being positive because it wasn’t really what I was feeling. I was over whelmed by the cost of the extra medical things everyone needed. I had to borrow money from someone. I hated that. I also might have to ask to borrow again. I’ve been filling out applications online daily. I’ve been trying to find a job that allows me to work more than one day a week. I get called for interviews but when they see me in person they always tell me things like “I don’t think you could keep up.” “Umm I’m not sure you’d fit in here.”  This only adds to my depression. I know I’m extremely over weight but I’m working on it. I’m becoming a healthier person. I need a job in the meantime. This was the cycle I was stuck in. URR! I’ve taken to just getting tunnel vision for things that I can control like my writing.

Yesterday I was talking with a friend who said “Sometimes I wish we had trophies for the little victories.” It got me to thinking. There really is a lot of little victories daily! We must allow ourselves to see them. When we do we see so many victories.

Victories for me are there.

1-I’m still alive. This means I have another chance to go for it. I have another chance to make this day better. I have another chance to go for my dreams. I have another chance to tell people I love them. I have another chance to make people smile. I have another chance to become a good daughter. I have another chance to become a better friend. I have another chance to work on getting out of debt. I have another chance at finding another job. I have another chance at losing this weight. I have another chance to make the youth group grow. I have another chance at writing in my story. I have another chance to have a positive impact on someone else life. I have another chance to…………………..WOW! I’m Still Alive is a great victory.

2-I have decided I’m not going to quit. I was given a graduation card that the person wrote me a message. They told me I had the gift of not quitting no matter how long it took me to achieve the goal. [It took me a LONG time to get my associates degree.] I didn’t understand how important that is till now. No matter how you fail get up and go again. I’m blessed to go again.

3-I have people here with now that are still alive. I can make memories with them. My roommate struggles on a daily bases. She isn’t able to even get out of the house much. Sometimes months go by with her no able to get out. Yet she has one of the most positive attitudes of anyone I know. She is laughing as she struggles. That is a blessing to witness. I’m even more blessed because she is determined I’m going to achieve my goals.

4-I’ve made a lot of progress. I’m walking better than 3 years ago. I’m healthier than I was 3 years ago. I have more confidence than I was 3 years ago.

I have many more victories in my life that happen daily. My new goal is to search them out and embrace them. I’ve also got a goal of writing a blog at least once a week. I did better when I did that.

To see where I began this journey:

http://mmbreakingfree.blogspot.com/2013/09/my-story-so-far.html

Facebook account that goes with this blog:
https://www.facebook.com/Change2Healthy

To follow me on Twitter

Account for Blog-https://twitter.com/Change2Healthy

 

Ripples........and Walking........

Ripples....and Walking…….

I have two thoughts lately a lot. Sorry but this is two blogs in one.

Ripples…..

I’m sure that you’ve heard quotes and stories about the ripple effect actions have on people. I completely agree. I was thinking about this lately and begin wondering if I had any ripple effect on anyone. Then a strange thought came to my mind. What about the ripple effect in my life? Then I thought is that being self-absorbed? I really spent time thinking about these two questions. Well here are the answers I came up with. I’m sure it is different from others.

No it wasn’t selfish or self-absorbed to think about the ripple effect in my own life. I must realize and understand the changes I’m making in my life. Most importantly I most agree with the changes that I’m making. I must agree spiritually, mentally and emotionally. I must like the person I’m becoming.

I thought further on the ripple effect in my life. It is amazing. The person I was just a year ago isn’t the person I am now. The person I was just three years ago isn’t the person I am now. I thought further back to my early adult years, my teenage years and even my early teens. I’m nowhere near that scared, sad, unhappy, fearful and lonely person anymore. I have come a long way. I know I have a long way to go but I’m am so closer now than I have ever been. All the changes in my life, big, small, good, and bad have all came from the effect of a ripple. Somehow someone has inspired me, hurt me, loved me, shown me, cared for me, laughed at me, laughed with me, brought me down, lifted me up, pushed me up, pushed me down, stomped on me, walked with me, yelled at me, gave me a kind word and this list can go on forever……..
We’re all effected by the actions of others. This is a fact of life. What is also a fact of life, we can choice how we want it to affect us. We have that choice.

I began changing. Then one tiny change led to another and another and another……………….
The ripple effect I have had on my own life is awesome! I was inspired by others but when I began to change I realized I can control the ripple effect in my life.

One of the biggest changes I have been making is not letting fear hold me back. I used to let fear of having panic attacks keep me from doing things. In fact I spent most of my life in my room. I get so nervous around people especially in social settings or crowds. Lately I have been going for it. I’m not living in fear of the panic attacks. Well I did something recently that is out of the box for me. I entered a contest. It was a dancing contest. I love to dance but not where people can see me. I dance all the time while I’m alone in my house cleaning or working out. Dancing in public NO! I love American Sign Language. [ASL] I love performing in ASL. I wanted to at least try for this contest. [Yes I really want to win too] I tried many times to combine dancing and ASL. I would try to record it and even just recording it I would have fear so bad I was shaking from head to toe. I didn’t even try for two days because of the fear. I finally just went for it. I found someone to record it and did it. I was so nervous and scared. I knew people would be watching it. I did it. I didn’t look it because I knew if I did I wouldn’t have posted it. I just uploaded it. I went for it. I entered the contest. The link below is for the contest. If you would like to see the video and vote for me:

https://www.facebook.com/DelStateFair/app_1603640036572395

Walking….

It is strange for me not to be able to walk any further than around my block. I had been doing really good and walking everywhere. After having pneumonia and bronchitis for seven weeks my body can’t walk more than that without getting winded. It’s depressing because I miss my long walks. My long walks were a huge help in losing weight but also in helping keep my focus on being positive. I know I will get there but it is a long and slow process.

In many ways I feel like I’m having to start over. I have to rebuild my endurance and strength back up. I will but I hate that I had to take a step backwards. URR! I’m grateful that this was not because I gave up. That is good news. I’ve regrouped and made some goals.

1-By July 17^th I will be able to walk the entire route that I was before I got sick again.

2-I’ll also be able to do the Richard Simmons DVD again by July 31^st.

3-I’m also going to start writing down what I eat and drink in detail and see where I’m going off and then change it.

I’m going to refocus on these details. I’m not thinking about anything but these details.

To see where my journey began:

http://mmbreakingfree.blogspot.com/2013/09/my-story-so-far.html

To follow me on Twitter:

https://twitter.com/Change2Healthy

To follow me on Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/Change2Healthy

Today sounds better....

Today sounds better………….

I know I haven’t written in a while. I have been sick. I’ve been sick for the past six weeks. When I came home from vacation I really realized how sick. Now I’m finally over pneumonia and bronchitis. My ears still have a lot of fluid in them which is driving me crazy. Nothing has gotten it out. My right ear is full and left ear is half full. I can’t hear out of right ear and my left ear has hearing but not 100%. I’m dizzy and have a headache from the pressure. I do feel a little better though. I’m not really doing a lot of coughing. Finally!

Today I’m writing this posting in a positive frame of mind. I’m determined that it will be a wonderful day. I’m determined that I will get better. It’s not every day that one turns 39 years old. I’m determined to celebrate and have fun today.

Yesterday I went to my mail box and received a nice surprise. I was sent a gift from a fellow Block Head. It is a really beautiful bracelet. It read “I Love Jon.” I love it. It came at the right moment too. I was feeling sorry for myself. I hated being in this house and not able to do anything due to being sick. I was upset because my doctor isn’t returned my calls since Monday. I had tried to take a walk and make myself feel better and I got so dizzy I had to turn around. I had found out that my birthday lunch wasn’t going to happen. I was really having a pity party for myself. Then I checked the mail. I was glad I did because I got this beautiful bracelet. I love it! Thank you Lisa.

I learned that this Block Head makes this. If you would like one here’s a link to check her out.

https://www.keep-collective.com/with/designsbylisabush

Today I’m determined to make it a great day!