A Chance!

A Chance!

A Chance. Two simple words A Chance! We all say take a chance but for me that is something that isn’t easily done. A Chance! If I do anything I plan it and it is never really anything that would be considered a chance. I go out with my siblings and their families or a friend but other than that I don’t go out. I am a home buddy that wishes she wasn’t a home body.
The idea of going out isn’t always an easy one for me. You see I’m still afraid of having a panic attack where a lot of people will see me. I even try to hide from my family when I have them. I want to go concerts, or out on a date, or a girl’s night out. I haven’t done any of these for so long. I have had my biological father offer on three different occasions to send me to see my favorite group. [Favorite since I was 12.] In 2008 when NKOTB got back together, again when they did the Package Tour with Back Street Boys and this past year with their 10 album release. All three times I came up with an excuse not to go. The true reasons were- I was afraid of having a panic attack. I let the fear of having a panic attack keep me from going and having the time of my life three different times now. I have regretted this decision every day. I hate that I didn’t go. I have seen clips on YouTube and man were these awesome concerts! [I should have taken a chance and gone to the concerts. If I had a panic attack and was shaking people would have thought I was dancing.]
Yesterday a friend sent me a link to a contest with the message- “ENTER!” I clicked on the link thinking it was something for her kids or school but it was a contest to win NKOTB concert tickets in Las Vegas. I closed the link down and said I can’t do that. I wouldn’t handle the contest. I walked out of my room and then turned around and went back to my computer and pulled it up again. I sat there staring at it for a while. I kept picturing me winning and then having a panic attack in front of everyone. I kept seeing this scenario over and over. I then looked at the inspiration pictures on my wall all around my desk. I saw the one where I wanted to go on NKOTB cruise in 2015. I then remembered the regret I had at not going to the three concerts in the past. I took a deep breath and clicked on the link. I couldn’t think of anything clever or cute to say so I stated how I wanted to thank them esp. JON and posted a link to my very first blog posting. I shared it with everyone. If I win I will be there. If I have a panic attack I’ll still be there. I’m not going to let this fear keep me from entering the contest. If I win I’m not going to let fear keep me from me going and having fun with NKOTB and loads of BH’s. If you’d like to vote for me here is the link and you vote every day.
http://www.ktu.com/pages/contest/nkotb/?55y&day=after
If you’d like to read how Jon and NKOTB have saved and touched my life then read my very first blog posting.
http://mmbreakingfree.blogspot.com/2013/09/my-story-so-far.html
If you’d like to follow me on Twitter where I post about my Journey of Change
https://twitter.com/Change2Healthy
Thank You! Have a great day!