Well I wish I had a great reason to explain why I haven't been on here for a while but I don't. I literally have gotten so busy with all the different irons I have in the fire that I haven't posted in a while. My blog isn't the only thing that has suffered. My story has too. I haven't written in it since just after Christmas. I think I need to learn how to say no. Due to not having steady work I tend to get very much involved in many things. I also quickly agree to help out others with their projects. I feel terrible without a steady paycheck so I help others to keep myself busy. The one problem with that is that I get focused on way too many things and lose focus on the projects I'm working on.
I told you it wasn't a good reason.
I am still doing the Journey of Change-Breaking free from the chains of panic attacks & weight. I'm still getting healthier & I am still loosing weight and inches. This is always worth celebrating.
I do have a question for all of you.
Do you ever feel self conscious about how you look when you are walking or working out? I do.
The reason I am bringing this up is because it is on my mind a lot. Why I don't like my body. I hate it. I'm changing it. I also know what people think of my body because I get told it a lot. I have gained a new hobby. I love taking walks. It is peaceful and energizing at the same time. It is perfect for clearing my head & allowing me time to just focus on me. I like walking & thinking because it trains my brain to keep in the positive. I usually have my MP3 player on & going with a sound track that keeps me positive & moving. So I don't even hear what people say to me as they drive by.
Well last week I was walking & my MP3player battery died. I was in the middle of my walk and kept going. Then this truck passed me. A few minutes later it cam passed me again. Then on the third time it passed, stopped & rolled down his window. The guy yelled at me "Hey are you aware how you look like a whale walking on land and flapping around all over your body because you can't breath on land?" He speed off and squealed his tires as he drove off. I just stood there. I instantly felt horrible. It was like being in school again and being made fun of. I instantly remembered the time I was at Allan D Neese 7th grade in St. Augustine Florida. I was wearing a pair of black shorts with my white Jon Knight white t-shirt. I was walking to my next class when Jimmy & his friends Esp., Ran began their daily round of making fun of me. "Oh my God look at the Beach whale walking." "Marie the killer whale. Don't let her hit you when she walks because she'll kill you." other students moved out of the way as I walked past them. Of course I was now red faced and almost crying. They added "The killer whale can't breath." Remembering this only made me feel worse. Jimmy and Ran had made fun of since my days at Mill Creek elementary. They were terrible.
I just walked home. Went into the house. I didn't walk for a few days. It was rough. I felt like that defeated 7th grader again. I thought about that for several days. I went back and walked again but I just walked around the outside of my house over and over. I used weights and even did my stairs a lot. I just couldn't leave my house.
I now realize that was just stupid to give them that kind of control over me. They probably will never remember me why am I remembering them? It is crazy to be like that. I know. I've gone back to my regular walking.
Do any of you ever feel self conscious about how you look when you walk or work out?
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