Workout….. No Longer a Dirty Word

I know some of you reading this are laughing at the tittle of this blog. I know you to remember who is writing this blog. Me! Now think about the title I bet it makes a little more sense now. Just in case it doesn’t let me take you back to this time last year. I look back now and I don’t even know who that person is anymore. This time last year I was depressed and had no will to live. In fact, I wanted to die. I even asked to die. All I saw was black everywhere. I hated everything about me.

New Year’s all start out with so much hope. We all say this will be the year that I am going to conquer a list of problems. This will be the year I lose so much weight. This is the year I will finally look pretty. This will be the year I make people proud of me and it last. By this time last year, and every New Year, I had given up. I quit. I figured what is the point. I’ll never change. I would try to do exercise videos and quit. Well this is where I was this time last year. If you told this 469 pound [last year’s weight] woman to workout I would give you every excuse in the book. [I bet even some you hadn’t heard yet.] Well one excuse I’d use is I can’t even get past song 2 in Richard Simmons DVD and have to go to cool off. I’d be so short of breath and unable to breath. I would be dizzy and every part of my body would be on fire and in pain. I say “what’s the point”  I can’t do three songs and that doesn’t get you to lose weight. I’d quit. I even had excuses for walking. I can only walk for about 8 minutes so why bother. I am cringing just thinking of all the excuses I use to use. To me, “Workout” was a dirty word.

Well I’m sure you all know how my New Year began in May 2013 and I’ve been changing my life. If you don’t know here’s the link to read how I begin breaking free.  http://mmbreakingfree.blogspot.com/2013/09/my-story-so-far.html

Well now I’d like to talk about the present. I finished working out about an hour ago. Yes I worked out. YAY! I have been working out at least four times a week. I am doing a Richard Simmons DVD and have made it past song 2. In fact, I am doing 7/10 songs. Next week I go for 8/10. I am being to like how I feel after a workout. I have blood flow. I also feel happier. I don’t feel so depressed, angry, or frustrated. I miss working out when I don’t get to work out. [I know it blows my mind too] I’m even walking now. I’m learning that when I walk I can think clearer. I can refocus my mind. [I have to do that a lot.] I also find it helps me to let go of the things that make me panic. It has helped me reduce the number of panic attacks I have. [This is awesome.] I have music that reminds me of my goals as I walk. It is my time to just let it all go. I am always fast but I do steadier and have built up more endurance for walking. [Yay me!]

Now here is what I have gained by working out and doing this journey of change. I’m breaking through so many walls that I have had around me. It was a fortress to get to know me.  I use to try to become whatever other people thought I should be. I hide the real me. I became what each person wanted or needed me to be. I didn’t even know myself. I am beginning to find me. I never really left I just buried myself under so much crap and weight that I was drowning.  I am beginning to know me. Guess what? I like me. I’m a funny, intelligent, creative, fun, caring, understanding, loving, and magical person. I’m realizing that I am someone worth knowing. I love to laugh now. I also have come to realize I have a sense of humor. [A unique one but a great sense of humor] I never thought I find myself through working out and becoming healthier but I did. I’m not letting go of myself either.

I hope all who are reading this realize how wonderful it is to let go/break free. For me I had to break free of the chains of panic and weight. I have broken several links in these chains and will continue to break to gain more of myself back.

What are you breaking free from?

Here’s a weight and measure update:

January 28, 2014
May of 2013 numbers in Red
Now numbers in Blue

Weight-                 469.5                     418    Loss of 51.5

Upper Arms-         L-21 ½” R-21”      L-19”  R-19 1/2” Loss of 4”

Chest-                    none

Bust-                      54”              51.5” Loss of 2.5”

Waist-                    53”              50”    Loss of 3”

Hips-                     79 ½”           74”  Loss of 4.5”  

Thighs-                  L-48 ½”  R-46 ½”  L-45.5” R-46” Loss of 3.5”

Calves-                  L-26 ½”  R-27 ½” L-25” R-26” Loss of 3”

Total inches loss from head to toe is-20.5

What is not on here is all bulges and rolls of fat that are gone. I use to measure these and had bigger numbers in inches. But Realized it wasn’t right b/c these shifted and some are even now gone! This is a more accurate number for me. I’m very pleased. I know my body and see the results in no only loss of bulges and rolls of fat but in my ability to function better.

I’m most excited about my hips and thighs going down. I can’t wait till they go down because this is the area I hate the must. OK thighs and butt are a close second.

[None of you know how scary and hard it is to put numbers like this on here but for me. I'm doing it to help keep me going & hopefully kick me in the butt to do more to make these numbers go back down.]